Me time

 Relationships should be a happy thing, but sometimes there's a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction that we experience when we're with our significant other. It's like we are looking for happiness but can't seem to find it, wherever we go. Allow me to explain why: you're looking for happiness in the wrong place.


In this book I read, "The Secrets of Enduring Love". Dr. Meg John Barker, the co-author explains that while some people find themselves in their career, hobby, or sport, others find themselves in their partners. You see the truth is, you can't truly find yourself unless you actually spend time with yourself alone. It is absolutely vital to take some time apart.


Spending time alone grants us a sense of independence and helps us preserve our own identities. I once had a friend who completely changed everything about herself to comply with her partner's wishes. He took over her identity to a point where she became unrecognizable to the people she knew. Many are those who lose themselves in a relationship, or begin to feel like they are not in control of their lives anymore. The worst case scenario here is that the relationship becomes overwhelming and suffocating. 

"You shouldn't be in each other's pockets"

Personally, I absolutely love being alone. Don't get me wrong, I love people, I think they're the coolest - and if I'm quoting Cher correctly- You don't need them to live. Okay, she was talking about men, but you get the point. Her mother’s advice was for her to marry a rich man, to which she replied: “Mom, I am a rich man.” The takeaway of this anecdote is: you don’t need anyone but yourself to accomplish whatever it is you set your mind to. And you can only do that by spending time alone. 

Some people think that spending time alone is selfish. I go to the movies alone - well used to before COVID- take myself out for coffee, eat at restaurants alone, and drive/walk all by myself. Before you come for me with pity comments, I’ll have you know that doing these activities alone helped me identify my preferences, take time to think, develop more confidence, and practice independent behavior. As a fibro patient, I need to know that I can look after myself when the occasion rises. 

I get it, it's not easy telling your significant other to give you some space. But, it's way better than having the urge to shove your fist down their throats. Flexibility in the me vs. us time is crucial to the success of the relationship. Cherish your me time, whether you go shopping, take a bath, go on a hike, go for a drive, or just try to BEselful, make sure you're investment is wise.
 
BEselful is like a sequence of self-help workshops in one. The courses have been designed around simple methods that anyone can do. They will help you learn how to care about yourself and help you find the happy that you're looking for.

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